Friday, September 22, 2006
frankly, i enjoy being who i am.
being silly, ingorant, outragrous at times, so predictable, emo mania, loves to eat candies, sensitive freak, throws a tantrum or two! (cut me some slack, unless i admitted!) haa.
i do love myself for being for i am. (=
however, many a times, im often way too troubled by what others have to say about me.
hence that's all it takes to have myself hate myself. =/
isnt it strange? haa.
slowly, i have come to realise that what i fear the very most is acceptance and loneliness.
since i was a child, i was brought up feeling the best i can do is 2nd best, the you-could-have-done-better culture. it just seemed like i was never good enough in studies, never prettier than that cousin of mine or maybe never that filial as someone else's child.
such constant battle of comparsions have cultivated this low self esteem in me. and made me hate myself for not being good enough and being liked by others. my insecurity was on a high.
realised that it stuck with me all these while, that i can never be the best i anything though i may be but often decevied to think likewise.
no doubt little things still affect me and make me shed tears of the zillion timeth, but now, i know that i have Jesus as my shield, as my protector.
no battle is too big for him to handle. whether if it's my battle at work, loneliness barrier, weight issues, gossipmongers, singlehood, friendlessness; Jesus has overcome them all in my life and am willingly to stick with me throughout my entire life.
i think that's a gift of a lifetime.
Melly spun on 9:28 AM.
