Sunday, June 25, 2006
bedazzled by the twinkles of the night sky
displays the evident beauty of God's creations
caught up in the sheer pleasure of origins
yet washed out in the real world of junk
glorious praises of your good works
desperate cries for your help
both voices of your very own child
wonder if any is heard?
It's a Saturday afternoon. Bright and sunny. Awesome to have the rainy days be over. Well, at least for now. Hee.
My Brand New BLOGGIE! Yuppiess! :D Calls for a celebration! Hee.
Hmm.. Reason being for the close downof my previous site: Initimacy
Im a private person in many ways. I love the people in my life as they are, but it has to take two hands to clap. So why should i be putting myself in the potential embush of their vicious attacks? Apologises for being defensive but lately, i have lost almost complete trust and faith in friendships.
Never been so poor of friends in my 22 years. Yes, i do have friends; but im not talking about just friends, or good friends. But company who can speak to your heart. Was feeling all washed out from problems at work, money issues, family, self-condemation just a few days ago. Badly needed to confide in someone. I dont need a solution. All i needed was to have a shoulder to cry on. Just knowing that someone is there for me. But i couldnt approach anyone. Or rather, i didnt know who to.
Convinced that friends would have thoughts of why-are-you-constantly-upset that it made me felt ashamed and embarrassed, which prevented me from speaking to anyone.
Do i have a problem with intimacy?
Is this the result of overdue bitterness of hurt and betrayal?
Im a happy child of God. But it baffles me each time having to witness what's happening to me. I love and care the best that i could, but why do i only encounter the occurence of bad incidents repeatedly?
My dad has been sick since he had his fall early this month. He seemed like a changed man ever since May when he was quitting his job. He has this cliche-salesman pitch about life and speaks with i-know-it-all overconfidence which is NEVER like him before. It just breaks my heart seeing him ill and all he mostly ever do now is sleep and watch tv. It's the very first time i ever noticed my dad getting old?
Having a brother which speaks like and as LOUD as an ah beng really refrains me from wanting to stay home. He's the chimney who keeps smoking even when he's coughing like a 70-year-old man!! And creates this utter smoke ordor lingering in the house!!!! CANT WAIT to see him get enlisted into NS and get out of the house!!! It's been way too long!!!
Only my mum and i are basically working now. It shatters my esteem and boost my gulit party to an ultimate high whenever i have to loan money from her. It's not that i want to, but rather there's no other choice, now that my pay is not even in yet.
Gosh, work work work. Policitics, policitics, policitics. Brace yourself for the real world? Do your real world refer to being fake, bitchy and good at taichi? I know that the world is rotting with communities of such. But being in such situation, deters me from not being yet another clone. Im made of the love of God,and very much authentic.
Seems like my life is in an utter mess.
And im the lone solider fighting all the battles.
But I know i'll come out of all the battles, victorious.
Because my King promised me so. :)