Thursday, September 27, 2007
blues? nope, it's bliss. :)
wednesday blues?
or rather wednesday bliss?
well, the day started with me suddenly thinking of mr bastard while i was on my way to work. reminicise of the good and sweet memories i had with him. and behold, melly taking out her handphone and started typing a message and sent it to the blardee fool!
i know it's stupid. and i did it knowingly. how stupid can i get. haa.
but i supposed i just wanted a closure. anyway i messaged him and this is the ending of this whole dramatic sega.
was talking to berlie online shortly i got into office. kinda gotten into a mini conflict due to my uncalled-for message to that disgusting creature. but the fire was put out as fast as it started. haa.
thanks for being such a sweetheart berlie. the words you said moved me deeply. touched my heart manys lah. made me cry in the office somemore. haa. i heart you too. manys manys manys. :)
thanks for being such a sweetheart berlie. the words you said moved me deeply. touched my heart manys lah. made me cry in the office somemore. haa. i heart you too. manys manys manys. :)
met dolly after work and escorted me home. haa. or rather we travelled all the way to dolly's darling's home and to find ourselves trapped out of the house! because dolly didnt bring the house keys and there was no one home! gosh. why am i not surprised? it's so typical man. but seriously, please dont ever pull such stunt again! or i would really SLAUGHTER you! haaa.
dolly, a friend' gotta do what a friend's gotta do. hee. no more tears.
i can rent you my shoulder should you require one day ok? dont worry, you'll have a good rental rate. haa. not funny. opps. hee. =x
yes, totally agreed upon. hee. :) please throw rocks at the stupid idiot bastard fool when you see him! or throw at his car! haaa. yes i'll repeat in case you didn't catch it --> BOYS ARE STUPID.
thought that this is kinda stupid. some boys must have came up with this. since boys are stupid. haa.
DISCLAIMER: Please do not try this at home. This is only for trained professionals. haa.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
i am jesus-loved.
I feel so loved by Daddy God. :)Daddy God has filled my heart with his sweet love. He places and sends his angels to minister to me at the right time. Time and time again. :)
He knows the struggles im going through. Hence he sends his army of angels to my rescue. It's such unfailing love.
I was courageous, took the leap and plunge right into this whirlpool of love. I did not regret for my decision. I feel sorry for you. For you having to live in your world of denial. Stop your cowardly behaviour and stand firm for youself. All the sick tests "jokes" which you had to put me through. Im not your toy you pull out only when you need someone to entertain you. Im a treasure you've missed out on. All you can ever do now is dream on. :)
Im more than worthy only because my Daddy God says that i am.
I am Jesus-loved. :)
Monday, September 24, 2007
please spare me your halfheartedness.
I dont believe in halfheartedness.It's either you go all the way or not do anything about it at all.
There's no in between.
It feels like no one understands what im going through.
But Daddy does. :)
It hurts but yet at the same time ive peace in my heart.
I just feel like shunning from everyone else.
Only because it feels like no one truly really cares, expect for themselves.
I guess i dont really care anymore. For anyone.
I think I've somewhat given up hope.
You had me.
You lost your chance.Pardon my language. But just fuck off.
Joss Stone - You Had Me
You had me
You lost me
You're wasted
You cost me
I don't want you here messing with my mind
Spitting in my eyes and I still see
Tried to keep me down
I'm breaking free
I don't want no part in your next fix
Someone needs to tell you this is it
Hey listen, you'll be missin'
Out on all my love and my kissing
Make your mistakes on your own time
When you come down you're just no good to have around
Instead of making money you took mine
You had me
You lost me
You're wasted
You cost me
I don't want you here messing with my mind
I've realised in time
That my eyes are not blind
I've seen it before
I'm taking back my life
You tried to trade on my naivete
But the things you do and say embarrass me
See once upon a time I was your fool
But the one I leave behind is you
Hey listen you'll be missin'
Out on all my love and my kissing
Make your mistakes on your own time
When you come down you're just no good to have around
Instead of making money you took mine
You had me
You lost me
You're wasted
You cost me
I don't want you here messing with my mind
I've realised in time
That my eyes are not blind
I've seen it before
I'm taking back my life
Vodka and a packet of cigarettes
That's all it used to be but now
You're sniffing on snow when you're feeling low
Suffocating dreams that could have been
Maybe for a minute I was down with that
But it didn't take long for me to see the light
You swore you had control of it
But when I stepped back you slipped on your supply
You had me
You lost me
You're wasted
You cost me
I don't want you here messing with my mind, oh
I've realised in time
That my eyes are not blind
I've seen it before
I'm taking back my life
Taking it back, I'm taking it back
Taking back my life
Taking it back, I'm taking it back
Taking back my life
Ain't nobody got no business stressing all the time
Taking it back, I'm taking it back
Taking back my life
You had me
You lost me
You're wasted
You cost me
I don't want you here messing with my mind, oh
I've realised in time
That my eyes are not blind
I've seen it beforeI'm taking back my life
Taking it back, I'm taking it back
Taking back my life
Taking it back, I'm taking it back
Taking back my life
Ain't nobody got no business stressing all the time (Yeah, yeah)
Taking it back, I'm taking it back
Taking back my life
what is love? jesus is love. :)
Suddenly thought of what Steve said earlier.Nothing is right or wrong. There is only what is of God and what isn't of God.
I've been dwelling too much in what is right and what isn't.
I am to submit to authorities regardless of what I feel; whether if it's right or wrong. I may advise and give your 2 cents worth but ultimately, i still have to submit and work accordingly unto Daddy God and respect the authorities. All in the name of glorifying Jesus. :)
Cast all your cares unto Daddy God beacause He cares for you. Such sweet love.
Daddy i can't remember the last time Im wide awake at this hour, unable to get to sleep.
Daddy God, i miss him.
This him who maniuplated and tested my real emotions towards him.
Can I be honest?
He cut my heart real deep. Though it was a short period of time.
I didnt expect to have my feelings been taken lightly by him.
I thought he was nice.
Maybe he is.
But not really towards me.
Why can't he be real towards me?
If he is nice, why does he have to hide so many things from me?
Besides telling me that this is the way he operates, why cant he compromise?
Honestly, the answers to these questions are not important to me anymore.
Daddy God i know you love me so much that i am more than able to conquer this with you by my side. :)
i want to be happy.
I wonder why i see all the flaws in my life and not the good things Daddy God has blessed me with.I wondered why i blame myself for thinking too much and angry at myself for being upset.
I just want to be happy.
Joyful.
And Jesus-conscious.
It's much easier said than done.
But im trying.
i am real. :)
Can i be real?Yes im upset.
Yes im heartbroken.
Yes i know i will recover.
But i know i need time.
It's been only, what a few days?
Ive been stupid to believe him and heart him for who he is.
But im no longer stupid.
But why does the hurt still feel so real?
Why does the tears never seem to dry up?
Im standing back up. Slowly but surely.
I need time.
To heal this wound.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
i love this song.
aww.. i just feel myself melting and going "awww.." whenever i hear this track. LOL. I'll just fall in love with the guy who writes me such gorgeous and yet silly lyrics. I think...
Not!! ;P
Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore - Way Back Into Love Lyrics
I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration, not just another negotiation
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end
ohhhh... do you know i have a twin? :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNFLOWER DOLLY! :D
I wondered if i was foolish to forgive someone easily. Someone you care for.
I supposed it's just me. I can't stay mad at someone for long. Especially someone whom i consider close to my heart.
I asked daddy god time and time again to take this desire in my heart, to remove my feelings for you from my heart should you not be the one for me.
Till date, i do not fully comprend clearly what the answer is. Honest. Hee.
However, it seems that im starting to treat and care for you as a good friend. I can't fully be sure of this. But it sure feels like it.
Daddy i want a sweet cutie darling who dotes on me. Soon! Hee. My silly moment. :P
Oh yes, have i told you? I found my long lost twin! After twenty odd years?! Haa. Nothing is impossible! :)
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Daddy God is my Defense! :)
I wanted to say that you broke my heart by saying the nasty things you said to me. I didn't deserve to hear the lies about me coming from you.
I know we all have our moments at times. I know I do.
But I was more than patient with you, but you were the one who was constantly demanding and upset over things when I should be the one who's upset.
I didn't even make an attempt to reply your sms. Simply because I don't see a need to defend myself for no wrongdoings I've committed.
I have a much bigger Daddy God who is my shield of DEFENSE!
drops of droplets
Happy Birthday Ms Fam Lili!! :)
Li, Jx and i went for Fish Reflexology yesterday at Sentosa as our birthday girl wanted to try it out. Oh gosh, what a "tickle-free" encounter it was! It was terrifiyingly ticklish that Li and i had to hold onto each other's arms while our foot were immersed in the pool of fishes happily nibbled away the dead skin on them! (I would like to think that they are happy! Haa.)
Li, Jx and i went for Fish Reflexology yesterday at Sentosa as our birthday girl wanted to try it out. Oh gosh, what a "tickle-free" encounter it was! It was terrifiyingly ticklish that Li and i had to hold onto each other's arms while our foot were immersed in the pool of fishes happily nibbled away the dead skin on them! (I would like to think that they are happy! Haa.)
The tiny nibbles of the school of fishes sure felt like miniature electric currents. Oh yes, after our 20mins of shriekings and arm pinchings, we headed on to our shoulder and neck massages! My first time having a massage done, never really liked the idea of a stranger touching me. Haa.
After having dinner at sky out sky (literal chinese translation), Li, Jx, Dav, Phil and I went Clark Quay to lim jiu! Haa. Gosh, i realised that I've a bunch of friends who cant hold their liquior well. Haa. But it was great fun coz half the time we were all laughing ourselves silly and i cant imagine that the 5 of us actually squeezed in the sofa just to take pictures! Lol.
It was while i was on the way home when i suddenly thought of A and got upset coz of his abrupt disappearance. Tears just streamed down almost immediately like as though they were ready to race out since god knows when.
It was, and still is, hard for me to admit that I've fallen for him and missed him dearly. I've treated you nothing but good, but yet, you are still unappreciative and this is your way of saying thanks.
But I know better things are coming my way and all things work together for the good of daddy god! :) It's your major lost, not mine. You'll NEVER meet another person who can make you smile the way i do.
Im moving on. :) Thank you daddy god for loving me dearly, unconditionally and eternally! :)
Friday, September 14, 2007
This song was randomly played on my mp3 while i was on my way to work one of the days. I thought of you as i listened on to the lycris.
Thought that it'll be my happy ending, but yet once again, all hopes of you now have been flushed out of my system.
Smother Me by The Used
Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
Surely you can take some comfort knowing that you're mine
Just hold me tight, lay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of my days
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?
Let me be the one who never leaves you all alone
I hold my breath and lose the feeling that I'm on my own
(Leaves me all alone)
Hold me too tight, stay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
(All the time)
I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of my days
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?
Smother me (smother me)
Smother me (smother me)
When I'm alone time goes so slow
I need you here with me
and how my mistakes have made your heart break
Still I need you here with me
So baby I'm, baby I'm here
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me? (Let me be the one)
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and smother me (smother me)
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?
Smother me (smother me)
Smother me (smother me)
Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
Let me be the one who calls you baby
The one who calls you baby
Thought that it'll be my happy ending, but yet once again, all hopes of you now have been flushed out of my system.
Smother Me by The Used
Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
Surely you can take some comfort knowing that you're mine
Just hold me tight, lay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of my days
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?
Let me be the one who never leaves you all alone
I hold my breath and lose the feeling that I'm on my own
(Leaves me all alone)
Hold me too tight, stay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
(All the time)
I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of my days
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?
Smother me (smother me)
Smother me (smother me)
When I'm alone time goes so slow
I need you here with me
and how my mistakes have made your heart break
Still I need you here with me
So baby I'm, baby I'm here
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me? (Let me be the one)
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and smother me (smother me)
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?
Smother me (smother me)
Smother me (smother me)
Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time
Let me be the one who calls you baby
The one who calls you baby
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
melly is greatly lovely by my daddy jesus. :)melly's heart may be shattered right now, but i know it's only temporal. :)
have been receiving negative accusations from the stupid enemy recently, in the area of work and heart matters. :(
ive been talking to daddy and asking him to show me the way and guide me. im wise because i have daddy chirst in me! amen! :)
daddy, i know your heart aches each time im drowned in my tears but deep within my heart, i rejoice knowing that im so abundantly loved and treasured by you no matter what decisions i make!
daddy, you prosper every decision or mistake i make!
it's just so awesome daddy jesus, to know how much im being loved and held safe in your embrace. :)
i shall dwell in your sweet presence 24/7 daddy jesus! ;D
Monday, September 10, 2007
thought i had a shot at love, only to wind up being disappointed. however, i know that all things work together for the good in christ! :)i've seen it coming, but i suppose i didnt really expect things to end off on a rather unpleasant note.
im not saying that im feeling perfect fine, but at the same time, the bones in me just don't feel right.
i know i'll miss him for the good memories etched in my mind and heart. however, im more than confident that daddy jesus would ensure much better memories to be filled in my near future! Amen! :)
argh! hate the thought of having to work tomorrow!!! >=(